When I was in high school, I took a pill to help me deal with my ADHD. I recently came across some old blog posts I wrote while using it. This is from September 24, 2001:
I should really go to sleep. I have to wake up early in the morning, and do my hair and shave, and I have to do the anouncements tomorrow, and there’s an econ test, and did I study? Well, kind of. Ha ha, and you know what else? It feels like I’m typing really fast, but i’m not. Wow, is it only 10:21? It feels a lot later. And earlier.
Ha ha, new paragraph! I almost wasn’t going to do that, but then I did. Hey, did anyone see the Miss America Pageant? Anyone at all. Because they had this graphic that kept coming up for this so-called ”September 11 fund” and every time it did, I swear to God, that the ”11” looked like two towers. Seriously. isit just my imagination. Dude, what if the Ocean’s eleven remake with all those famous people gets postponed because of the word ”11”? Man, what a country.
I really should go to sleep. Like my body really is tired, like the muscles are dripping off my bones. But my mind is going at like a million miles a minute. It’s like I’m full of ideas.
Hey, who can guess what drug I took tonight?
you know what, though? You should know, it helps me focus. It doesn’t focus for me. Like I tried to read psych tonight, but I couldn’t. I mean it was still boring. Maybe i should double my dose.
?
And like I keep thinking. Like I went outside and watched the rain and just thought. Like I know it sounds stupid, but it seems like I never have the time to think anymore. Like there’s a dozen things all trying to get through my head, and with this pill, I can just concentrate on one thing at a time. It’s crazy. With a capital C, and that rhymes with p, and that stands for ritalin.
I was looking over the side effects to my perscription the other day, and besides loss of apetite, insomnia, depression (blah, blah, blah) it mentioned trouble urinating. And I thought, do I have trouble urinating? It’s hard to say. I mean, it always comes out eventually. What’s normal?
And this is something thousands of people choose to go through all the time? MAn, taking drugs for recreation is pretty fucked up. I can’t imagine why anyone would want to take these things if they didn’t have to.
I mean, sure, i feel focused now (despite what you might think by reading this journal, I actually am very focused; it’s just that my brain is moving too fast for my fingers), but I’ll bet you anything I’m going to sleep through my alarm tomorrow. If i come in to class wearing a hat, and I’m not shaved, you’ll know.
Wow, what if Fernando and Emika had a baby?
Wouldn’t that be freaky? Or maybe it would be so freaky… it wouldn’t be freaky at all.
I’m going to go think.
Sometimes I look back and it’s amazing to me that I survived four years of high school. Also, hey guys, can you help me pick out a senior portrait for the yearbook? I’m leaning towards 1.
